Have you ever been going through the motions of life and suddenly an event happens that completely awakens you ?
You realize that the life you are living is not making you happy, you are not getting anywhere, and it’s time for change?
The end of December this happened to me. Having a 9-5 was what the world wanted me to do. Having a 9-5 is what the world expects. Is that really what life is about?
For the past 4 years I worked for a small company with the idealogy that I was there to help, the money meant nothing, the experience meant nothing, and all I wanted to do was help take stress off of other individuals. When you work like that does it really benefit your life? For 4 years I went into a stressful situation, an emotional situation, and a constant battle of am I even important to these people…
I would come home daily, grab my bong and smoke weed until I drowned out the sorrows and frustrations of the day to day work life. Not feeling important in a work situation is like not feeling wanted by your significant other in my eyes. I felt like I was just someone’s bitch.
Taking only a single vacation a year down to San Diego, California. The rest of the time, putting in my time so others could go enjoy their lives. October of 2017 rolled around and an opening became available for a position in which I should have been the man for the job. Instead someone with zero experience was put into my place. To me this was a giant slap in the face and an affirmation that I was infact nothing to them, I was the grunt, the low, scooping poop, and doing the dirty work.
I was frustrated by this move, frustrated that me being the guy that’s been scooping the poop for many years didn’t get into this position. December rolled around, the disrespect, constant frustration, continual drug use, and overall depression had not subsided. I was looking for harder, stronger, drugs to help cope with the ever growing stress that was bottling up inside of me.
I’m not a religious person but I think that Christmas should be a happy time. 2 days before the Christian holiday, the disrespect, the feeling of the poop scooper, and the depression came to the point of suicidal thoughts.
Was this life worth it? Was I doing what I wanted? Was I happy?
The answer to all of those questions was absolutely not. Something had to change. 9am. I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t take the feeling of putting in years with a company and still being treated like I’m not important. I ended up walking away. I wasn’t happy with my life.
I was happier when I had zero money and all I had was a backpack and no direction on where to go next.
I stood broad shouldered, tears flowing from my eyes on the edge of a massive bridge. One I had walked across many many times. This time it was different. This time I was alone.. The rush of the cold air flowing through my massively grown beard, I stood, ready at any moment to take the leap into the underworld. As I was standing upon deaths door, I realized something.
I chose to come out here, I chose to climb up the bridge, I chose to leave the company, I chose to be depressed. Now I have the choice to make my life the way I want it.
I was finally free from the tormoil of working with those that I cared about on a much deeper level.
So why would I end it now? Why? Was that my destiny? After almost dying at 23 and traveling the country inspiring others to travel and live their lives? Was that the spirit of the great Scarecrow?
My answer was engraved on me. Set in ink. Tattooed across my back in the old chiller font from Microsoft word:
LIFE IS MINE
As I came down that day, crying the entire way home, I made a commitment to myself, to my friends, and to all those individuals who meet me and get inspired to travel.
That commitment was to take my life back. After I returned home from the Cascades, the drug use stopped, the depressions stopped, and I started to feel like SCARECROW again. I have started making goals and plan to crush them all in 2018.
Look at your life, is it the way you want it? Are you doing something that makes you happy? If the answer is no, then for fuck sake stop wasting time, get up, wake up, stand up and make your life your own.